Life by the Word

                                                               Unwanted Silence

                          (The window cells were frozen that December morning, their tears were not dried today. There was nothing left to do. There was nothing left to say. So I watched you drive away in your car as I fell to my knees and began to pray. I said, Lord my wife and children have just left me for good and it looks like I am going to lose this fight. Will you please send me 5,000 angels Lord to help me make it through this night.) Lyrics from the song 5,000 Angels by the group Believer.

There are things that I can write about that come to me so easily from the Lord. There are words and heartaches that I can share with the world with no problem at all. Places, events, times and countless memories, that if I were honest with you I would have to say I share to help others not feel the pain that I have experienced in my life. Some of you may think that I am a complainer, a person still looking for mercy.  Some of you may think that I am man who is caught up in the past and can't let go. Some, well some of you, know that I write because that is what God wants me to do. And to help others learn from my mistakes is one of the main reasons I share with you all the deepest caverns of my aging heart. I love God and I know He loves me. It wasn't always easy to share that with others. Sometimes, even today, the words on these pieces of paper do not dance at all. Sometimes they do. But there are often times that they don't come easily. Their message, my friends, seem to get lost in translation. Their purpose, I don't know, maybe gets lost for a little while. Their meaning, well that will be decided by the ones who read them. And for each and every one of you that determination will be made on an individual basis. So, many times I sit at this computer wondering if the Glorystealer will make a difference. I wonder often if someone across the world in China or Japan will ever read one of these chapters on the website and think about Jesus, and about their relationship or non-relationship with the one true God. You know my friends this life is short, very short. Even if you live a so called normal life the days are countable and the years, well as you all know, fly by. Each one of us, if we are blessed, have the awareness  of knowing that one day we will have to give an account for our time here on earth to the Creator of it all, the Great Father in Heaven. My life is one now that lives with enlightenment that each tear is beautiful, each smile is everlasting and every moment I spend laughing with the ones I love is priceless. I use to rush home many years ago to an empty house. My first wife had left me and went away to live with her mother. She was through with me. And I still can remember that feeling  of loneliness at times today, seventeen years later. I used to hope that she would change her mind. I use to dream, fifteen years ago, that I would see my 3 year old boy Zachary looking out the front window waiting for my return from work as he waved to me through the finely trimmed frame. But the truth is as fast I drove, as hopeful as I was, that moment never happened again in my life. Sometimes, my friends, I believe God allows us to remember these time of despair to keep us humble. So that when he rebuilds our life and we begin to get prideful and self sufficient He reminds us of how fragile life truly is. For example, maybe you are a husband on your second marriage, and the pressures, well they are getting to you. The children, a new wife, corporate America, do I need say anymore? I wrote a long time ago that you cannot truly appreciate the noise of screaming children, someone telling you to take the garbage out and sounds of loud rock music coming from your teenager’s bedroom, until you have experienced the loudness of the volume of a thing called loneliness. Loneliness, in a strange way, when experienced can help one stay honest about themselves. If able to survive a severe case of loneliness can help one become more understanding, more appreciative and most importantly more loving when true love finds your life again. Unwanted silence has a way making that time alone or that extra money spent on someone else, okay. Anyone who knows what I am saying right now and has been in this place of waiting and quietness understands the power of this revelation. I believe God has to get us to a place in our life of appreciation. We are, as the Bible states, his children. And children by nature always want more, do not say thank you that much and get really mad if they do not get what they want. Sound familiar? That is not even including the fact that they often get stubborn and rebellious. And most of the time they make really bad decisions because they cannot wait for further instruction from their ‘not knowing as much as they do parents’. Sound familiar as well? All I know is that I thank God that He is long suffering with us and doesn't give up on us that easily. If God had our patience, well there would be a lot less marriages surviving, a lot less people getting second chances, and a lot less people getting saved and learning about the resurrection power of Jesus Christ. Thank God that his mercy is not our mercy, that His measure of love is not our measure of love, and that his standard of forgiveness and salvation is not our standard by which He goes by. I wonder today if you who are reading this right now, understands that you were meant to read this little chapter. Maybe you are  someone's wife, thinking about leaving her husband because things are not the same anymore. Maybe you are a father who is about to give up on his rebellious son who gives you nothing but trouble now. Maybe you are teenager who thinks that life is not worth living anymore because you feel people and ‘so called friends’ are just mean. Whoever you are, there is One who understands your pain, and there is One who understands your rejection and un-acceptance. His name in The Lord Jesus Christ. There is nothing you can hide from him even if you try. He wants to talk with you today. Before you leave your husband or quit your job. Before you consider taking your own life. He wants to tell you that He loves you and help you avoid making a tragic decision that will have great and unchangeable ramifications in your life. Run to Him and tell Him how you feel. Jesus knows already, but  He wants to hear it from you. God wants to help you and your situation. He wants your family to be victorious and your life lived more abundantly. He wants your broken dreams to me mended and your guilt ridden life to be set free. He wants the best for you!! Doesn't every good parent want the best for their children? God wants nothing less for you and I, as His children. Please remember this always. Even if you are living in emotional pain now and think there is no hope. One day your life will be restored and when it is, please remember who helped you get it back, the one who paid for it in full on the Cross. His name the great Lord Jesus Christ.!! Oh, and just one more thing that I’d like to share with you that happened to me the other day. I noticed my six year old son T.J, as I got out of my car the other night from a long days work. Well, he was there looking through the house window, waving. Waiting for me to arrive home and come inside. Eventually I did. But for a brief moment, I stopped and appreciated that moment of seeing his little arms go back and forth while a big smile was just beaming on his little face. And for a second, I thought of my first son Zachary, fifteen years earlier and I thanked God as I stood there with my brief case in hand, that God had given me another chance to see one of the most beautiful sights a dad can ever lay his two eyes on. Thank you, Father in Heaven, for that much undeserved gift. Only you Lord, know how much it truly means to me. Love,

Your Son, Al.